One of the hardest parts about being in a relationship is the beginning. Yes, the honeymoon phase is a real thing. And there is a great deal of positive energy buzzing around during this period. But the beginning is also the establishing phase of the relationship. This is when you set your boundaries and really hone in on how your relationship will be molded. This is why going into this phase should be well thought out and executed with care. Before you even consider starting a relationship, you should be sure about several important factors. Ensuring that you have taken time to work these issues out will either set you up for a great relationship, or save you the trouble.
After careful thought, you may realize that you aren’t as ready for a relationship as you thought. Although this may not be what you ultimately wanted, avoiding unnecessary drama, heartache and wasted effort is ultimately still a win in the long run. So if you are thinking of making it official with your person soon, here are 6 questions you need to ask yourself before starting a new relationship.
Am I whole and okay without my partner?
One of the most important factors to consider before entering into a relationship is your own well-being. You have to be whole and accounted for independent of your relationship or partner. This ensures that if things go south, you will not totally fall apart because your everything was tied to this situation.
Is this relationship consistent with my terms and conditions?
There are many different types of relationships one can become involved in: situationships, flirtations, infatuations, love triangles, entanglements, polyamory, monogamy, and more. But the most important type of relationship is the one you want to be in, and the one that you and your partner decide on. You two must both decide on the parameters and rules of the relationship. Without being on the same page in this department, you are bound for disappointment sooner rather than later.
Do I have the capacity to love this person?
While it is important to make sure your partner can love you properly, you have to be sure that you can reciprocate. Do you have what it takes to give them what they need? Can you give them the love and affection that they want? Many times, we want to be in relationships that we simply do not have the time, energy or enthusiasm to actually carry or maintain. Be real with yourself, and your partner, about where you are with things.
Does this person make me feel safe and comfortable?
One of the biggest keys to a happy relationship is a sense of security and trust. It is so important to feel that the person you are in a bond with makes you feel safe and loved. If there are any things that make you feel uncomfortable about your interaction, now is when you should consider the intentions of this person and talk it out if possible.
Can this person handle my needs too?
As we mentioned focusing on your partners needs, of course it is super important to assess their capacity to handle your needs as well. Far too often, we can forget about the most important person in our lives: ourselves. Have an honest conversation with them, and some dialogue with yourself, about their capacity to love you. It is important to reflect on this alone as well, so that you can formulate your opinion independent of them. Anyone can talk about how they can love you, but their actions and consistent behavior will reveal the real truth.
Is this the kind of person I see myself with long term?
At the end of the day, it all comes down to who you are with them, and who they are with you. Does this person resonate with you? Do they possess characteristics that are consistent with your values and beliefs? While we all differ in personality and tendencies, it is essential to ensure that the core of who you are and what you believe is in alignment with the same for them.
